Now, men and women obviously view sex in different lights. It's much more complex with the female. For the men, sex is simply, sex. That's it. They get off, and the game is over. A women also wants to feel good down there, but the thing is, a lot of men don't have stamina nor care. Sorry ladies.
Sex is too complicated for men so we keep it simple. The game ends when we end. "I'll be back," nope. Fuck you Arnold. Ain't no Terminator shit here. It's over. But why are things so complicated for a man?
Problems
- Small Penis disorder
- Low staminaplatitus
- The 'Don't Care for Long Stays' syndrome
- We have fucking work in the morning
All these problems make us seem, like a dick basically, when it comes to sex. We want it over and done with...
Now ladies. You guys absolutely suck. I can't even fit all of your problems with sex on this mother fucker. But here are the most common ones.
- Period. This has to be the WORST and most annoying problem to ever be encountered on the face of this god forsaken planet. Once a month you completely bitch us out while bleeding, and act like its OUR fucking fault
- Cuddling. What the fuck? Who the Hell had the great idea of cradling each other after having sex? Fuck that
- 'I'm Tired'. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. We work our balls off and on the drive home, we get them back and want to put them into use. Suck it up. <-- See what I did there ;)
- The simple 'Not Now' problem. Not now?! Then WHEN the Hell are you going to sit on the dick! If it comes to the 'not now' excuse, the man obviously had to ask... and that is no fucking bueno. Absolutely no fucking bueno...
So how do we fix these problems? Simple
1. Cut cuddling out of the equation
2. Commence intercourse promptly when being ASKED!
3. Guys, you gotta do something to get the girl feeling good and satisfied... sorry
4. NO FUCKING CUDDLING
shut up, you dont even get laid nor know shit about sex
ReplyDeleteplus, there are totes women out there who just wanna fuck
Dear ANONYMOUS,
ReplyDeleteI never said there were not girls that just want to fuck, and how does my sexual life have anything to do with this article? This is not about me in any sense This is strictly general, not specified towards the entire female society. You think a comedian's stories are 100% true, and personally experienced? No.
And people weren't in WWII or visited Japan, yet can know a lot about it... so thanks anonymous for staying anonymous, you're to close minded for life... stay anonymous ;)
You're a funny guy. However, if you want to get laid on the regs you should really think about a few things. You're going to have to come off some of the selfishness in the bedroom if you wanna keep them coming. Girls talk ALL THE TIME. You may think they only talk about their cat or the new purse they bought but they also talk about the boring,careless dick they got stuck with last night. These conversations spread faster than herpes in an orgy. The difference between you and a guy that's sexual appetite is fulfilled is that he follows a simple formula that contradicts EVERYTHING you listed in the above.
ReplyDeleteGirls want their emotions catered to. If you can't do that then you're better off asking for sexual favors from yourself. That way you're SURE to get exactly what you want without all the male bitchfesting in this blog you posted. If you feed a girls love bank by telling her what she wants to hear and giving her the post coital cuddle then you might get a little further than just using your d.j. skills to get some ass and a raging case of crotch rot they don't sell an over the counter drug to cure.
Good luck selling yourself out by posting a blog that makes you look like a lame tool in the bed. Comedian or not... You'll be too frustrated to laugh.
-Paul Finch
I appreciate your concern but you are acting like my lack of pussy is a problem. It is not, and is in fact, a choice.
ReplyDeleteI have my own problems to deal with and certain things play into this choice, lack of self confidence primarily.
Haha and everyone loves the blog, except you obviously. And lame tool in the bed? Who knows, who cares. You're a dick for not being able to take this article for what it is, pure comedy, and laughing.
And if you REALLY want to attack my lonely sexual life, discuss to me in person. Not everything is fucking peachy in my life and if you want a mother fucking explanation then let me give you one
Honestly, I don't care about your teenage woes. It might be funny to your little circle of friends but this is the world wide web, Sir. A friend forwarded a link to your blog to me because of Drunk Girls and since I thought it was great I looked at the rest and found that you attack women in every one. If that doesn't say something about you then I don't know what does. If you're a virgin by choice which is great then stop writing first hand and giving advice about things you don't understand. Comedians that are successful write about their first hand experiences and their friends experiences. Have fun with that angst. You gonna beat up everyone that doesn't like your blog?
ReplyDelete-Finch
I never said anything about fighting dear Finch, and you're extremely high and mighty attitude is turning into a bore. This is, 'Enter the Mind of a Young Male' and I have girls that agree with every single word of my blog. Girls that I'm not even friends with.
ReplyDeleteI do appreciate you thinking drunk girls was great and I don't understand why you are having a problem with my blog because I in fact attack both sides. 'Changes' is about short men, this one attacks MOST men and how they view sex,"All Girls are Lesbians" glorifies the female being...
"I Have a Boyfriend" bashes the males stubborn 'I don't give a fuck' attitude along with girls throwing around stupid excuses.
So if you can't enjoy the young mind that has probably ventured into the meta and thought more deeply than you ever have or ever will, then please, shut the fuck up.
If you don't like it, don't read it. You gave your input, but that's not enough for you. You 30 year old internet troll
Whitty!
ReplyDeleteIn my experience Hall has pointed out things that are pretty true in these situations, especially in our age range. I've read each of his blogs and in my opinion haven't found him to play a preference regarding men or women, he is saying it exactly like he sees it in a comical form.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is entitled to an opinion but there is no need to be an ass about it. A blog is something that you can write and share with people regardless of whether or not it is correct or balanced, it is your own person words that you are choosing to share. In the wise words spoken above "if you don't like it, don't read it." Everyone's browser has a "x" in the corner.
I am a woman. And don't find anything he says offensive. It's funny. It's meant for entertainment. OBVIOUSLY you lack a sense of humor and if you don't like what he writes then don't read it. and you commenting trying to call him out on something you know nothing about is childish. Me and ALL my friends love reading his blogs. and I don't even know him. Seems like someone needs to get a life instead of bashing someone they don't even know. If you didn't like the blog that's fine give your opinion of the blog, don't attack the person who wrote it.
ReplyDelete